One afternoon a little girl returned from school and announced that her friend had told her where babies come from.

Amused, her mother replied: "Really, sweetie. Why don't you tell me all about it?"

The little girl explained, "Well... OK... the Mummy and Daddy take off all of their clothes and the Daddy's thingee sort of stands up and then Mummy puts it in her mouth and then it sort of explodes and that's how you get babies."


Her mum shook her head, leaned over to meet her eye to eye and said,
"Oh, Darling, that's sweet, but that's not how you get babies, that's how you get jewellery."

Subject: 10 times its si ze


The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class,
Which human body part increases to ten times its size when
stimulated?" No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and
said,"You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that!
I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal,

who will then fire you!" With a sneer on her face, she then sat back

down.



Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again,

"Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?

" Little Mary's mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her,

"Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!"

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class,

"Anybody?"

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said,

"The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated

is the pupil of the eye."

Mrs. Parks said,Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and

continued. "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:

One, you have a dirty mind.
Two, you didn't read your homework.

And three, one day you are going to be....very, very disappointed.

My Mum has just emailed me some jokes... I thought I'd share them here...

The Headache

The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The
bad new is that it will require castration. You have a very rare
condition,
which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure
creates one hell of a headache.
The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live
for.

He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he
was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he
was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street,
he realized that he felt like a different person.

He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's
clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... a new suit. That'll
make me feel
a little better."
He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long."

Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said. Joe tried on the
suit... it fit perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a
new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."

The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck."

Joe was surprised. "That's right, how did you know?"

"Been in the business 60 years." Joe tried on the shirt and it fit
perfectly.

Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about
some new underwear?" Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure."

The salesman said, "Let's see... size 36."

Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years
old."

The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34
would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you
one hell of a headache."

New suit - £400
New shirt - £36
New underwear - £10
Second Opinion - PRICELESS

Richard Rorty:

"Since the anti-empiricism and the anti-foundationalism on which analytic philosophers now pride themselves was taken for granted by nineteenth-century Anglophone philosophers such as T.H. Green and Bernard Bosanquet, one might be tempted to say that analytic philosophy was a century-long waste of time."

I dreamed that I was walking down the beach with the Goddess. And I looked back and saw footprints in the sand.
But sometimes there were two pairs of footprints, and sometimes there was only one. And the times when there was only one pair of footprints, those were my times of greatest trouble.

So I asked the Goddess, "Why, in my greatest need, did you abandon me?"

She replied, "I never left you. Those were the times when we both hopped on one foot." And lo, I was really embarassed for bothering Her with such a stupid question.


(from alt. Discordia)


What does quixotic mean anyway?

I'm here!!!
tee hee